Friday, August 28, 2015

Reintroduction of Me

Let Me Introduce Myself

Seven years ago, I took the brave step to sit down and start blogging. My very first blog was on a weight loss site and I vowed, at that very moment, at the first strike of my chubby fingers against my keyboard, to begin my own personal journey of weight loss. 

I guess I’ve always been a blogger. I’ve kept diaries or journals as far back as I can remember and I’m no spring chicken. Those have always been personal blogs though. I didn’t have the guts to talk about some of those things. I still don’t at times. 

Now here I am starting a blog again. I’m full of knowledge on how to lose weight but twenty-five pounds heavier, which makes me eighty pounds heavier than medical standards. Fifty pounds heavier than I want to be, despite those medical standards. I can’t believe I am worse off than I was seven years ago. I know everything from calorie counting, workout routines, how to cleanse, emotional eating, stress fasting but I have not figured out how to stay committed. 

I’m going to tell you a secret. A lot of people I know are obese. I get around them and I convince myself, I’m not that bad and I’m not fat, I’m just thick. Most black women are thick but but but, when I begun to have trouble breathing going up a flight of stairs or bending over to tie my shoe, the realization I am far from good, smacked me on the double chin I try to hide when I take selfies.  

During the last days of April, I decided to start video journaling on YouTube or vlogging. For the first few days, I was struggling just to get started. I hate to be a liar and not do what I committed to do, so I forced myself to keep recording but truth be told, I wanted to say fuck it and disappear. No one really knows me on there anyway. Sure, I have friends subscribed to my channel but they are the ones who view the videos the least. I can tell by the conversations we don’t have. 

Aside from the videos, I love to write. Another thing I have not fully committed. I have almost twenty fiction novels I have yet to finish, a few short stories, hundreds of poems and a few news articles in my arsenal. Despite publishing a few poems, the news articles and a story, my arsenal is really shooting blanks. There is no firepower coming out the barrel of my pages. It my fault I know because I won’t do what is needed to pull the trigger. 

While on that weight loss site, I wrote 107 blogs. I had quite a nice list of followers when MySpace was popping as well. I had countless blogs on there just about my day. I miss it. I miss getting my thoughts out on paper, reading what I wrote and smiling at my creative prose or my crazy day etched out in a virtual diary. 

I’m going to finish a book this year. I’m going to lose weight as well. Writing is therapy for me so this blog is going to help me keep my creative juices flowing while I stay accountable to myself for weight loss.

I’m starting to enjoy the video journaling. Talking to a camera is getting easier as the weeks go on but I will only post videos as a summary for my week. On this blog, I will attempt to be detailed. It won’t all be about weight loss but it will be heavy in that arena because everything I go through in life affects my dedication to exercise regimens and the food I eat. It doesn’t help that I’m an amateur foodie either.