I feel like such a liar to myself. This doesn't stop with weight loss but includes everyday living. I'm looking for something but I'm tired of trying and fighting for it. Happiness. I just want to know what it feels like for more than a fleeting moment. I smile all the time and keep up the appearances I'm happy but it gets exhausting and frustrating.
I'm frustrated with life, my current and past life! Don't worry, I don't want to end it, I love living, I'm tired of trying to make shit happen to make it a happy life. I'm so burned out all, I want to do is sit still without me having burdens rest on my shoulders. To sit still and not have my world crumble around me.
I see the crumbling daily. In some things, I know I have the ability to stop the walls from falling brick by brick around me, but damn does everyday have to be a constant battle just to keep things in order? That's not living to me, it's struggling to make it. Struggling to survive. I'm so tired of the struggle. yet I fear that sitting still will make me crazy, crazier, if I get too comfortable with not moving.